I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
