She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
