I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
