Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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