Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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