My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
