every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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