I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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