So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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