I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
