she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
