Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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