i don't like sucking hair
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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