I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
