so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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