Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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