I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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