yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
