so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
