I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
