I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
