just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
