false alarm. still invincible.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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