tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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