theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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