Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
