I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i drank out of a bidet.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
