my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
