Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
