Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
