Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
