I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
