When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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