i barfeds in our rink
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
