This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
