My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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