brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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