Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sober January is a disaster.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
