Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
