I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Four minutes until I can fart!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
