She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
