bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
