What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
