Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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