Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
