I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
