we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
