No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
