I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
