Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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