i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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