Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
