dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lo siento on account of my penis...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize