Where did you get a picture of my penis
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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