i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
