theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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