Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
