Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
