my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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