Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
