Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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