Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
