the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
