i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
