i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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