woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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