i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
