don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
