i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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