So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
