If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize